Wednesday, August 10, 2016

First Birthday



Today is my birthday, February 24th, and while my family and friends have been their usually amazing selves by sending me birthday messages there is still a piece of my heart that is sad. Sad because this is my first birthday without my mother. I miss her but she is always with me and there have been so many times when I have felt her presence. I decided that the best way to deal with the sadness of missing her was to remember and appreciate all the positive memories she has contributed to on my birthdays.

My mom used to retell the story of the day she gave birth to me. I can still hear her voice as she smiles and laughs through the story. It was a dark and cold February night when we went to the hospital. My grandmother Anna and grandfather Willie were arguing over him driving too fast and being careful of the ice. My mother was scared to death. Not of the car ride but of the birth process. The day was finally here, I was coming out! She was young, 20 years old, and scared.

When my mother called me on my birthday, she usually didn’t say “Happy Birthday” to me. She would just sing.  She would sing “So Much In Love” by The Tymes.

“As we stroll along together                     

Holding hands, walking all alone

So in love are we two

That we don't know what to do

So in love (doo, so in love)

In a world of our own (doo, so in love)”

She would also sing her own song that she made. 

“He’s my sweetie, my sweet deety. He’s my sweetie sugar pie.

He’s my sweetie, my sweet deety. Love him ‘til the day I die.”

So no matter where I am or what I’m doing, my birthdays will always be special. Because I had an amazing mother who made me feel so incredibly special.


Papi Serrano


I was inspired to write this on the eve of my father in-law's birthday.

I never met your father; unfortunately he went to his resting place before you and I met. But I still feel like I know him.

I know his laugh and his sense of humor. I hear his laugh in you. Your laugh sets the room on fire with joy and your sense of humor is equal parts silly and lighthearted. I can almost hear your father telling jokes, and struggling to get through them because he can’t stop laughing at the punch line he’s about to tell.

I know his passion. I see it daily in the white hot passion that burns in your heart and through your eyes. You love completely; you surrender and give all of you to those you love. No conditions, except for one; that they love you as much as you love them. Your passion also fuels your fight. The fierceness of a caged panther lies in every word when you are betrayed or hurt. I can see your father. Short and unassuming stature, but when he is challenged or offended he grows to be a titan. His voice is the unchained fire of a volcano.

Your father was a proud man and smart man. Wisdom and knowledge reflect in his dark, sparkling eyes. His intellect was not shaped and fashioned in the classroom; it was forged in the fires of life experiences. You have his quick wit and his unique talent for learning and growing as you live your life. You solve problems when others simply surrender. You hate the word “can’t” and are driven to conquer obstacles.

I see your father’s walk. The quick and purposeful steps he took on his way to work and the smooth and gliding strides he took when he was home and with friends. I see his steps in your steps. When you dance, it is your father snapping his fingers that guides your feet. It is his love and pride in his culture that sways your hips.

I never met your father. But to say I don’t know him would be a lie. I do know him. Because I fell in love with his most beautiful gift to the world. I fell in love with his daughter, Lizette.

Mother's Day 2016



I woke up this morning apprehensive, melancholy and reflective. I miss my mother every day. Losing her has been the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced. But as the morning unfolded I started to hear her. I heard her say “Jermal, I love you son and I miss you. I will always be with you. Don’t let my passing weigh you down.” I started to realize that I was not alone. My wife has lost her mother, other family members and friends have lost their mothers. There are people all over the world trying to live through this immeasurable pain and honor their loved ones by living, loving and laughing as loud and as strong as we did when they were here with us. So instead of struggling through the misery of missing her, I will embrace the joys and blessings I had while she was here with me. That’s what she would tell me to do.

Today is Mother’s Day. I was blessed to have Bettie Quinn in my life; she was, is and always will be the wind that makes me soar. In the moments when I miss her the most, when my tears well and when my heart sinks; I will remember her smile, her laugh, the smell of her cooking, the warmth of her hug and the sound of her voice. Happy Mother’s Day! I love you!

A Playground's Lament


I used to be the crown jewel of the community. The epicenter of a neighborhood. Birthday parties and family picnics were held under the shade of my trees. Softball and football games and Easter egg hunts were played in my manicured fields. The laughter of children danced on every breeze and the rhythm of bouncing basketballs played perfect harmony with of measured steps of lovers taking a stroll. I was the hallowed ground of children. When you had a bad day at school or a tough day at home. You turned to me, your one spot where you felt safe, happy and free.

  But times I have changed. I still exist but my role has diminished. Community planners and civil engineers place me strategically in sprawling communities of copycat homes and apartments. I am a footnote in their designs. I am displayed as an afterthought to entice the young family with toddlers that this community is "kid friendly and warm." But who is to blame? Is there a ominous villain in the shadows with a secret plot against me? Or has time simply marched on and left me as little more than a cloudy memory of days long ago?

   I think that the thing that changed our communities and changed me was not a simple passage of time. It was the slow and steady erosion of the most critical element of any community. Trust. The trust is gone. If you were born in any year prior to 2000 you can fondly remember getting on your bike, your skateboard, your scooter or in some cases just walking to your friend's house and then playing for hours in the park. Children of the second millennium are usually driven by their parents to play dates that have been planned and have contingencies and conditions that dwarf the Geneva Convention.

   I miss my bike racks being filled with a rainbow of children's bikes. Waves of kids meeting to play hop scotch, jump rope or play catch. I miss being the site of the most epic snow ball fights in the neighborhood's history. I miss the basketball courts being filled with kids playing shirts versus skins. I miss their gleeful screams as they play tag, hide and seek or dodgeball. But more than anything else, I miss the love. I was their playground and they loved me.

   Does this new generation of children not have the motor skills to make the arduous trek to the park or lack a sense of direction to find the park? The fault is not with them, although parents criticize them for being lazy and unadventurous and antisocial. The fault lies in the parents. The parents fear for their child's safety. If a child is out of the sight of their parent or caretaker, then they are now a fresh sheep for the wolves of society. Society is not any more or less dangerous but the access to information and bombardment of media has turned parents into gatekeepers and watchdogs.

   Of course we must be the protectors of our children. But we must also remember that a bird that is trapped in a cage never learns how to fly. For fear of their children's well-being and safety, parents would rather their children play in the parking lots of their apartment complexes or the minimal grass patches of their townhouses. We must let our children run and fall and scrape their knees. We must teach our children to be smart, careful, and weary of strangers. But we must also teach them to be independent, kind and capable of making new friends.

   My swings only swing when the breeze moves them to sway, silently antagonizing me. My see-saws and slides are more often used by daredevil squirrels than rambunctious first graders. But I do still have my moments of joy. When newlyweds use my scenic beauty as the backdrop of their wedding memories, when a family's generations meet around my picnic tables to tell stories of their rich and dynamic pasts and praise the promise and possibilities for their futures. 

   This isn't my call for recreational Armageddon to usher in a new era of children that redefine my role as the neighborhood park. I don't expect new legislation and politicians to fly my banner as one of their campaign promises. Imagine that. An elected official promising to have a focus on infrastructure enhancement, on community enrichment and beautification and properly utilizing public land to best serve the public.

   So what do I want? What is my purpose for writing this? I want you to promise to do something that I always hear people talking about when they speak of celebrities and athletes and those that they consider have "made it." But this request isn't for the rich and famous or the poor and destitute. It's for everyone. I want you to remember where you came from. I want you to remember that you are a child of the playground. I want you to remember all the good memories that we shared. Sacrifice one day a week to put down your electronics. 

   Challenge your children to abandon their smart phones and tablets and game consoles and use their imaginations making up a new game or enjoy the pure adrenaline rush of seeing how high they can climb, how fast they can run or how far they can jump. Come play on my jungle gym and imagine you are swinging from vine to vine through an African jungle like Tarzan. Come ride my swings, close your eyes and pretend you're flying high like Superman or Wonder Woman. Come and take a spin on my merry go round. Dizzily enjoying the moment.

   So the next time you are racing from one cul de sac to the next, ushering your precious cargo to and fro, keep your eyes open for me. Whether you live in a bustling metropolis, a quiet suburb or a rural farm town. I'm your neighborhood playground. I hope to see you soon.

My Newark: Brick City is Beautiful.


The year was 1972. I was born and grew up in Newark until I was seven. When I was seven my parents bought a house in Plainfield. I love Plainfield, but this is about my first love, the first place to win my heart. Newark, New Jersey. I just wanted to share with you some of the reasons why I love Newark so much.
   The Newark that I grew up in was a shining jewel to me. The mecca and epicenter of all there was or ever could be. Yes there was crime and violence and poverty and all the other negative stigmas of urban America. But my vision was wonderfully jaded. Jaded by the love and support and warmth of a loving extended family and a community that truly embodied the cliche of "it takes a village..."
   So allow me to share with you some of the things that made my Newark the most wonderful place in the world.
  1. Weequahic Park: An oasis in the middle of the city. Weequahic Park is where me and my family went for family barbecues. I remember playing catch, running, laughing and climbing trees. The magic of Weequahic wasn't the affect it had on the children, it was the affect it had on the adults. Living and raising a family in a big city like Newark can be stressful and overwhelming at times. But whenever I went to the park with any of the adults in my family I could actually see the weight lift off their shoulders. I could see them breathe deeper and smile fuller. When they sat down it was as if they were being recharged and renewed by each blade of grass.
  2. Mulberry Street Market: I can still smell it. It's perfectly intoxicating smells wafting through the air. Plums, strawberries, oranges, sweet corn, collards, tomatoes and peaches. It seemed like every fruit and vegetable that God had created was there. I remember walking the aisles of the open air market with my grandmother and doing my best not to bump into any of the stands or bother her as she decided what she would buy from this cornucopia. I knew that if I was good she would give me the nod of approval as we walked past the cherries. I would pick two cherries from the table and eat them as we walked. Their sweetness was second to only one thing, the sweetness of my grandmother's smile when she looked down at me.
  3. Community: Family and friends and neighbors were all woven into the same fabric of community. Your neighborhood that you grew up in didn't label you or limit you to where you could go or what you could be. It empowered you. I grew up knowing that no matter what was going on in my day that I didn't have to look to far to celebrate a victory or to find solace and comfort in the midst of a failure.
  4. Shopping Downtown: Before there were malls with their maze of stores and boutiques, there were shopping districts in the heart of the city. Downtown. Children scrambled to tag along with the adults when they were going shopping. The possibilities were endless. A new shirt or pair of pants. A shiny new pair of shoes for school or some sneakers that you swore made you run faster and jump higher. You might get a hot pretzel from Woolworths or a hot dog from the street vendor's cart. Shopping downtown was a dizzying experience. So many people. Different skin colors, different languages, different hair styles and clothing. But the differences didn't clash and conflict, they blended and complimented one another.
My Newark. I was so fortunate to be born and raised there. I miss it. I will always love it.

Friday, July 8, 2016

These Trying Times

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/10/opinion/sunday/what-white-america-fails-to-see.html?emc=eta1&_r=0

It's a chilling commentary that in 2016 we are still being slaughtered ON VIDEO and that the epidemic and crisis of black people dying seems to be something that the larger society sees as the common cold, an unfortunate yet tolerable fact of life. I hope and pray that I and all of my friends and family are spared the brutality and death that seems to lurk around every corner. Life is too short. It's scary that I have no control over when it will be taken away.
I try to remain objective. I don't hate police, I don't hate white people. But to say I'm not fearful of a white cop or any police officer, makes me deaf, dumb and blind to the reality that it "seems" that there has been an unspoken pact made to destroy me. Whether they do or do not depends on the silent swing of the pendulum of fate. Video footage and eyewitness testimony still doesn't tell us enough of the full story. What is going on in the heads and hearts of the victims and those who pull the trigger?